


The Right Train

by Yuuki_Nyanmaru



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:29:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27607667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuuki_Nyanmaru/pseuds/Yuuki_Nyanmaru
Summary: Aiba Masaki doesn't want to fall into love's trap, and for doing so, he has given himself some rules which he follows day by day. As long as he can enjoy himself, why would he need something more than sex? But, what if his rules start to break one by one, and all because of what should have been just a one night stand?
Relationships: Aiba Masaki/Sakurai Sho
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	The Right Train

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in my journal on the 19th August 2019. Hope you will like it! ^^

His whole life, Aiba Masaki has always heard the same words: “ _You don’t fight for what you want._ ”

When he was a child, he didn’t understand them; what in the world did his kindergarten teacher mean? Just because his classmates took the crayons from his hands, even though he had taken them first, it didn’t mean that he couldn’t fight.

Even his homeroom teacher in middle school used to say the same thing. He couldn’t do much though if his coach wouldn’t let him join the baseball team lineup, he couldn’t change things just by stating that he wanted to play.

His friends in high school told him the same words when the girl he was interested in ended up with another boy. Even then, he couldn’t have done much. Even though he had confessed and asked her out, things wouldn’t have changed since that girl didn’t like him in the first place… Probably.

There are some things in this life that no matter how hard we fight for, can’t be changed. We’re just humans, already struggling every day to stay alive and lead a decent life. Wasting time on useless fights only makes things harder.

This is what Aiba Masaki thought.

That is the reason why he doesn’t understand why he is running with all his might towards the ticket barriers. Why is he trying to have something he can’t? He knows how it will end, he knows that there's no chance at all for his wish to be granted, and yet, he is running.

What in the hell did Sakurai Sho do to him?

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

_2 months ago…_

“I want to go home.”

“We just got here!”

“I want to go home too.”

Jun looked at his friends, Nino and Ohno, who had a bored expression on their faces from the moment they had been told that they were going to a bar.

“Don’t you always say that you want to go out and meet new people?” Aiba asked, leading them to the counter.

“I was probably sick when I told you that,” the oldest man replied, causing his friends to burst out laughing.

When they arrived at the counter and sat on the stools, Jun placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder, reassuring him that they would go away soon.

“Or as soon as Aiba will find his prey for the day,” Nino teased, ordering beers for everyone.

“Then I think you will have only one drink here,” he replied.

The other men looked at him in surprise, while he smirked and signalled them to look at the right corner of the place.

The person Aiba had spotted was a tall man sitting alone at a table. Just by his looks, it was clear that he was younger than them, but not too much. Probably he had just reached his 30s. He was pretty fit, handsome and had a certain aura around him that attracted him.

“Are you sure you can catch that fish?” Ohno asked him but received a quite strong nudge from Aiba’s elbow.

“Unlike you, Aiba has skills,” the youngest man affirmed.

“Just look,” he declared and, taking his beer in his hands, he started to walk up to the stranger’s table. As he stepped away, he heard his friends laughing and teasing Ohno a bit more.

In a way, Ohno could have been right. He wasn’t an extrovert person and was actually pretty shy. When it came to picking up girls or boys, though, it was as if he transformed into another person. He was confident and at ease. Well, the alcohol in his veins helped too.

He had almost reached the other man, who had noticed his presence, so Aiba put on his best smile. Suddenly, another man came up to the guy, - his boyfriend, judging from the intimacy, - and Masaki changed his direction in the quickest way possible, steering towards the table behind them instead. He was too close to head back, and he didn’t want any problem with the guy’s boyfriend.

“Hi!” Aiba exclaimed when he put his beer on the table, regretting it at the same moment.

At that table there was a man, possibly his age, who had big, round black glasses, and was reading something on his phone. His hair wasn’t styled in any way, his clothes were plain, as if he hadn’t even tried to look for something else in the wardrobe. Adding to this, he was bending way too much on the table.

In other words, he seemed like an old grandpa who was failing to stay awake.

To confirm his impression, the man slowly looked up, his eyes tired, and scanned him.

He took a sip of his beer, already nervous and tongue-tied. The very Aiba Masaki was coming to surface, meaning that he was ready to run back to his friends as soon as this stranger opened his mouth.

He took a sigh of relief internally, though, when he heard the two men behind him talking.

“I thought that that guy was coming up to me, I was already thinking about how to reject him. Luckily, he went to the loser,” the guy said, to which his boyfriend replied, “Poor guy, he deserves better for the looks he has.”

They weren’t making fun of him at least, he thought, but he still felt bad for the man in front of him. It was true that he seemed the representation of a nerd, but calling him a loser was too much.

“Don’t let them bother you.”

He looked at the man, who had his eyes fixed on his phone. When a reply wasn’t coming, he looked up at Aiba again and explained.

“People are going to judge anyway, no matter who or what you are. Plus, making fun of people is plainly stupid.”

At those words, Masaki understood that this man had eavesdropped on that conversation too and had guessed what was on his mind. Maybe, he wasn’t as sleepy as he seemed.

“You’re right,” he said.

The other man didn’t say anything back, he kept on watching his phone while Aiba was playing with his fingers. He hadn’t even noticed this man, he wasn’t his target for tonight, so he didn’t know what to do.

_I can’t tell him that, actually, I wanted to pick up the guy behind me and not him. First of all, it would be humiliating for him; second, I owe him for being kind and not shoving me away the second he saw me._

His hand was clenching around his glass of beer, his body all stiff and restless. Things got better though when he heard the couple at the other table standing up and going away; his muscles could relax a bit.

He threw a glance behind him, searching for his friends, and he saw that they were staring at them. Nino and Ohno were laughing at him, surely because of how the situation ended up, while Jun was giving him a smile and a thumbs up.

“As if that could encourage me…” he whispered.

He turned his head back again and found the other man looking at him. He stayed in silence, his mouth not even opening.

“Alright.”

The man locked his phone and left it on the table.

“I can finish reading the report tomorrow. Now, let’s get back to us. You wanted to pick me up, right? So, what’s your name? How old are you?” The man lifted himself and sat upright, crossing his arms and turning towards Masaki, giving him his full attention.

Aiba bit his lip, before replying, “Aiba Masaki. I’m 36 years old.”

“I’m Sakurai Sho and I’m 37 years old, nice to meet you,” the man introduced himself, before finishing his drink.

Aiba imitated him and drank all his beer.

“What was your plan? What were you thinking?”

He gulped. His original plan had totally fled from a window since he sat there, so he had nothing in mind. He could reuse some lines he had thought for the other guy, though.

“I wanted to ask you why you were here all alone.”

“Well, let’s say that at the moment I don’t have anyone to go out with. Plus, I came here just because staying at home was making me sick. I was still reading my report, but at least I was out,” Sakurai explained.

“Sometimes we really need fresh air, right?”

“Definitely… Tell me about you. Are you here with your friends?”

Aiba nodded and pointed at the counter behind his back. Sakurai followed his finger and let out a chuckle.

“It seems that they’re watching TV,” the older man joked.

“It’s always like this.”

“Oh, does this mean you pick up people often?”

Sakurai raised his eyebrows and flashed a playful smirk before laughing, dragging him along too. He had to admit it: the nerd wasn’t turning out to be too bad. He seemed quite an interesting person actually. Maybe he could kill some time with him.

His friends had already gone back home, many beers had been drunk, many topics had been discussed, and Aiba still didn’t want to leave. He was really enjoying himself with Sho, whom he had discovered to be an incredible person.

Sakurai was the head of his sales department and was there in Tokyo to complete a deal with another company. It was quite important since he had to stay there for 2 months. There were many things to settle and he had to organize a lot of meetings.

Compared to Aiba, who was a simple employee at the post office, he was amazing. He was sure that he could never manage to do what Sakurai did.

Sho was also a very funny person. His jokes weren’t bad, as well as his irony. His ideas and opinions weren’t airy-fairy but well thought out. His way of talking was also so soothing that hearing him talking and voicing his thoughts was very pleasant.

A very huge plus was added when Sakurai excused himself to go to the bathroom. Aiba followed him and his gaze met with the best butt he had ever seen in all his life.

All this added up together was pretty much the reason why they were now in Sakurai’s rented apartment, kissing and eating each other up. When the other man had returned from the bathroom, Masaki had asked him if he wanted to go ‘somewhere else’ and, pondering a bit on the reply, Sho had accepted with a smile at last, offering his place.

Who would have thought that his unexpected bad luck could make him find such good and delicious prey? He would surely make good use of this chance tonight.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

“Welcome home!”

At that sudden greeting, Aiba jumped on his feet, almost bumping in the wall behind him.

“What are you doing here?”

In his living room there were his friends: Ohno was resting on the black armchair, Jun was laying on the white sofa, both of them looking at the TV where a morning drama was being broadcasted; Nino, instead, was sitting on the floor while playing with his phone.

“Your house was the closest to the bar, we were too tired to walk and, from how things were going, you weren’t going to return home for the night,” explained Jun, turning the volume of the TV down a bit, so that he could speak with him.

“You could have called a taxi!” he protested.

“But at least we could finally make use of your spare keys.”

“I gave them to you for emergencies.”

“It _was_ an emergency, Ohno was falling asleep on the street!” Nino exclaimed; his tone serious as if he was talking about really severe stuff.

Aiba glanced at Ohno, who nodded and pouted.

“Well, next time let me know at least,” he said at last, surrendering to his friends. He knew that he could never win against those three.

“I didn’t think you were in the mood of taking calls or reading texts,” Nino wasn’t even trying to hide his snickering.

He sighed, knowing that he couldn’t say anything in his defense. Indeed, he would have cursed his friends for calling him at such a moment.

“About that, how did it turn out?” asked Ohno, probably the first sentence he had said since he woke up, judging from his husky morning voice.

Aiba smirked before going to the sofa, telling Jun to make room for him, and sat on it. He leaned back and stretched his limbs.

“If I’m still this sore, just think how he could be,” what he said was self-explanatory, so he didn’t need to add anything else.

His words, in fact, were followed by a whistle and a laugh.

“The guy didn’t seem to be a good catch. In all honesty, we pitied you when your original plan failed and you ended up with that four-eyes,” admitted Ninomiya, his eyes never leaving his game.

“Still, that four-eyes proved to be better than anyone I slept with lately,” he started, before explaining, “First of all, his body was just how I like it, not too muscular but not slender; second, our likes really matched, both outside and inside the bedroom, so it was nice even talking to him. Basically, he was the full-package.”

“Don’t tell me…” Jun prompted, before looking at Ohno.

“That finally…” the older man continued and then turned his head toward Nino.

“Aiba Masaki has found his soulmate?” he said, stopping his game so that he could look at him straight in the eyes.

He laughed all the teasing off, shaking his head left and right.

“One-night stands will always be just casual sex. I’m not into commitment, I’m happy the way things are,” he affirmed.

“Wait, so you didn’t even ask him for his phone number?” Ohno questioned, surprise all over his face.

“Of course not. It was very nice to spend the night with him, but that’s all, next time there will be another prey.”

“Everyone is desperate to find someone who is the full-package and then you have Aiba Masaki, who lets it go,” Jun stated, gaining a laugh from the other men.

He knew that at his age everyone, if they were not already married, had a long-term relationship or were looking for one, but he wasn’t like them. He loved being alone and not having strings attached to someone, so, unless he really, truly fell in love, he didn’t want to have a partner for the time being.

That thought scared him a bit though; the idea of being bonded to only one person for the rest of his life was still too unreasonable for him. There wasn’t much to worry though, since the chances of him falling in love were minimum.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

“Remind me why I accepted to come here,” Nino snorted as he drank his cold beer.

“Because this bar opened recently and I still haven’t had a chance to go. I just thought that bringing my best friends here would be nice,” spoke Jun, faking a pout.

As soon as he finished talking, Ohno looked at him with a fond smile before saying, “I’ll bear with this just because you said that. You know, you guys are my best friends too.”

“Best? Ohno, we are your only friends!” retorted Nino, wearing a confused face.

“Says the person who knows no one aside from us and the game shop’s clerk,” seeing Ohno teasing Nino back was quite a sight and it only meant one thing: the man was in the mood for fooling around.

Jun sat in between them, giggling at their silly bickering while sipping on his drink. Aiba, instead, was sitting on the outer seat, scanning the place, searching for someone ‘interesting.’ When he found a guy that caught his eye, he finished his drink and left the other three. He didn’t need to explain anything since his friends knew him too well by now.

He sat at the bar counter next to his target for the night, ordered his same drink and casually started a conversation.

In a bunch of minutes, he found out that the guy, Ryota, was very much younger than him and was actually a bartender at that bar.

“You’re always here, don’t you want to go somewhere else during your day off? Doesn’t it get boring?”

“I like the atmosphere here; it doesn’t get boring at all. You never know who you could meet after all.”

Aiba caught the hint in the sentence and returned the other guy’s smirk.

He looked at his watch and sighed mentally; it was still too early to go away. Usually, he would like to stay after midnight, he loved drinking just as much he loved having sex. Plus, he preferred to have the other person a bit tipsy, so that after the deed they would fall asleep. He wasn’t good at talking just after having had sexual intercourse, so he would feel kind of awkward.

Since Ryota seemed to handle alcohol pretty well, he needed to make him drink more.

“Wait, are you trying to get me drunk?” asked the other man playfully when he saw that Aiba had just asked for his refill, again.

“Of course not, who do you take me for?!” he replied in the same playful tone.

Ryota laughed and tried to push away his glass but Aiba went after it, taking it from his hands.

“Come on, just a bit won’t hurt,” he said.

Just as he was giving the glass to the bartender, his gaze moved past the employee’s shoulder, towards the opposite side of the counter. His eyes widened when they met a familiar face.

“Sho…”

The man was drinking alone while his stare was focused on his glass; he wasn’t drunk but just as last week, he seemed tired.

“Do you know him?”

He blinked and brought his attention back to Ryota.

“Ah, yes, kind of,” he simply replied, not wanting to give a proper answer.

“A one-nighter of yours?”

“Well…” he hesitated.

“If you want, we can move to another seat,” the younger man offered, smiling.

He refused, telling him that it wasn’t a problem. And, really, it wasn’t.

Or, maybe, yes.

Even though Ryota kept on talking about his favourite hobby, decoupage, his eyes would always wander over to Sakurai’s figure. He wondered what he was drinking, what he was thinking, what... Who was the person who had just sat next to him.

 _Someone trying to hit on him, surely. Just as I did last time._ But it didn’t surprise him. Sakurai was a very handsome man after all.

He shook his head, reminding himself that he also had one right beside him, and he resumed on listening to the other guy's words.

Suddenly, they heard a faint commotion, followed by what seemed some surprised gasps.

Looking ahead of him, he saw Sakurai on his feet, glaring at the man who had previously sat next to him. The latter was wet from his hair down on his shirt; realizing that Sho’s glass was empty, he concluded that he had thrown his drink at the other man.

“I had a really good time with you Ryota, but, sorry, I have to go.”

“What?”

Aiba stood up and walked away. He didn’t know what had got into him, he just knew that he _had_ to help Sho.

Just when the man was going to grab Sakurai’s shirt, Aiba shoved his hand away and stood in front of the slightly shorter man.

“Do you have a problem with my boyfriend?” he questioned with a challenging tone, hoping his lie would help Sakurai, and not get him into more trouble.

“He’s the one who has a problem! Don’t you see what he did to me?!” the man spoke aggressively.

Masaki squared him up, looking at him up and down, before letting out a chuckle and teasing him, “It was a hopeless case in the first place, I don’t think he could worsen your already embarrassing state.”

He heard Sho’s soft laughter behind him and, even though the other man was even angrier now, he felt that it was worth it.

“What did ya say-“

Luckily, the man was stopped by his friends, who apologized to Sakurai and Aiba for his drunk mate.

“Better bring him home,” Sho told them, before holding Aiba’s arm and saying, “Let’s go home, babe.”

“Yeah, let’s,” he replied.

He circled an arm around Sho’s waist and, together, they exited the bar. As soon as they reached his car in the parking, Aiba burst out laughing.

“ _Babe_?!” he said, leaning on the hood of his car.

“I went along with your lie!”

“You could have said _love_!”

Sakurai shook his head, “Not my style.”

Aiba, still laughing, sat on his car, followed by the other.

“So, what did that man say to have you react in that way?” he asked when he had calmed down.

“Never mind,” was the reply, which didn’t satisfy him at all.

“Oh, come on, I need to know what I risked being beaten up for!” Aiba exhorted him.

Sakurai seemed to ponder on his words before nodding to himself, probably reasoning that, after all, Aiba needed an explanation since he had helped him.

“He kept on bugging me even after I had told him that I wasn’t interested in him. When he started to touch me, I stood up, trying to go away, but he blocked me by gripping my arm firmly so I threw my drink at him. And then… Well, you know what happened next.”

“Your Prince Charming arrived to save you,” he joked.

“Are you a charming prince? Then, I must be in a dreary low budget romcom,” Sho declared, before sneering at him.

Aiba couldn’t do anything else but sigh defeated, but also amused, accepting that he had been too overconfident and that the other man was way better than him at witty remarks.

Before an awkward silence could fall, Sakurai stated, “So, you were at this bar too.”

“Yeah, I was on the other side of the counter, right in front of you. You didn’t see me because you were too focused on your glass.”

“Ah, I see…” Sho appeared a bit embarrassed, but his face changed immediately when he seemed to realize something, “Don’t tell me... Have I interrupted you and your one-nighter?”

“Don’t worry about that. I was lucky, again, so I got something better,” he hinted, nudging the other man.

Sakurai laughed at that but bit his lip right after, his eyes on the ground, and whispered something Aiba couldn’t catch. He didn’t know if it was something addressed to him or not, but judging by his low tone, it seemed more something Sho was telling himself.

Masaki found himself checking his watch. It was way past midnight. Ideal time for him. He sighed.

『NEVER HAVE A SECOND TIME WITH A ONE-NIGHT STAND』

That was his rule. He had never had sex again with someone who had been his one-night stand. If he met them again, he would always avoid them as much as possible. But now, not only had he helped Sho, he had even talked to him and considered the chance of spending another night with him.

The man was handsome for sure, and his personality was also very nice, he couldn't not admit this; but still, was this enough to break Aiba Masaki’s rules? Could he, who had always followed them, break them for someone who wasn’t even going to be in Tokyo in some months?

Or, maybe, this fact was exactly what could make this work. He could walk around without worrying if he would bump into him or not. With this perspective, it could be possible.

“Do you want to go for a drive?” he proposed without delay.

Sho was so surprised at those words that he didn’t reply at first. He blinked a few times before directing his gaze over Masaki’s shoulders.

“What about your friends?”

Aiba frowned and turned his head. His three friends were hiding, poorly, behind the parking meter. He literally facepalmed himself.

“Those idiots,” he mumbled.

He took his phone and dialed Nino’s phone number. He didn’t reply though, instead, he sent Aiba a message.

_Don’t worry, we’ll take a taxi. Go have fun!!!_

He looked up from his phone and saw that they were waving at them smiling, before they walked away.

“They seem funny,” Sho said, while waving back at them.

“They are,” he replied. They were funny, of course they were, but he hoped that they would stop putting him into embarrassing situations like this one. Especially because he never managed to get his revenge, since he was always the one who ended up being teased.

Aiba opened his car and got in, imitated by Sho right after. When they were out of the parking, Aiba casually asked if the other man had something to do the next morning. Even though it was Sunday, Sakurai might already have plans, either related to work or not.

He grinned happily when the man said he had nothing to do.

“So, you don’t mind if we get a bit… Sore?”

Sakurai threw a very confused and perplexed face at him.

“Up for some car sex and then back at your place for more?” Aiba came to the point.

“Do you usually ask like this?!”

Masaki burst out laughing; indeed, he had been very bold just now. He clarified, though, “I just feel at ease with you, so I get like this.”

“You’re a weird one, Aiba,” Sho declared.

“Be prepared to switch to Masaki since we’re almost there.”

Sho laughed but didn’t object, so he definitely didn’t dislike Aiba’s offer.

_Can’t wait to make a mess out of you, cute four-eyes…_

  
  


A sudden buzz woke Aiba up but didn’t make him open his eyes. He felt so tired that he had already decided to stay in bed all morning, so no one was going to make him see the bright light of the morning sun.

He slid further down the mattress, covering his face with the sheets, and snuggled into a comfortable position.

He sighed in relief when the buzz ended but stiffened when he realized the reason.

“Hello, this is Sakurai Sho.”

His eyes thrust open, and a mix of bewilderment and disbelief rose in his body. Aiba had already broken one rule, sleeping with a one-nighter for a second time, and he couldn't believe that he had just broken another one, unconsciously.

『ALWAYS WAKE UP EARLIER AND GO AWAY BEFORE THE OTHER ONE EVEN REALIZES IT』

Masaki was always careful and never slept in, but this time, he’d let himself go. How could that have happened?

“I will send you the documents by email, then,” he heard.

Hesitantly, he resurfaced from the sheets and turned on the other side, meeting with Sakurai’s bare back. The man had just finished talking on the phone, which was put back on the bedside table, and was now lying down again.

Did he have to say something? Like, “Good morning”? Not only he wasn’t used to this kind of situation, he was even unusually embarrassed because he could see the signs of last night’s intercourse on Sho’s back.

 _This is not you, Masaki,_ he reprimanded himself.

If he stayed silent, the other one would never find out that he was awake, and he could go away when Sho would fall asleep again. They wouldn’t interact in any way and Sho would never be aware of this being intentional.

It was the best option. Yes, it was.

His mind didn’t send the message to his body, though, since his hand was reaching for the man's skin. Aiba stopped mid-air, unsure on what to do, but at last, he retrieved his hand.

Why did he feel the need to call him? Was he feeling bad because he was going to walk away again, without even saying or writing something? It was irrational, one-night stands would always end like this, so why should this time be any different?

Right… This wasn't a one-night stand. This was their second time.

 _Fuck off_ , he told himself and, without thinking twice, he tapped lightly the man’s shoulder.

Sho didn’t move at first, but then shifted on his back and looked at him through his half-opened eyes.

“Morning,” Masaki greeted him.

“… Morning,” the sleepy man replied.

Sho yawned and stretched his limbs a bit, before rubbing his eyes. Aiba tried his best to not find him cute, but he failed.

“You didn’t go away this time,” Sakurai stated.

He bit his lip, guilty, and shook his head, “I’m sorry about last time…”

“Don’t worry, it works this way, right?”

He didn’t say anything to that, he could only nod. It was true after all.

None of them spoke again: Aiba was only staring at Sakurai, who had his eyes closed now, and he wasn’t sure if he had fallen asleep or not. Even if that wasn't the case, it wasn’t like he had something to talk about.

No… Actually, there was something.

“Why were you alone again yesterday?”

Sho turned his head toward him, looking at him as if he were analyzing him. He eventually sighed and replied, “I had finished everything for the day, and I wanted to drink something.”

“I didn’t ask you why you were at the bar, but why you were alone,” Masaki clarified.

“This is not the place where I live, how could I have someone to go out with?” Sakurai asked back, but this only made him even more curious.

“You said that you are here with a co-worker, so why don’t you go with him?”

“We aren’t really on good terms…”

“Why?”

Judging by Sho’s frustrated sigh, he understood that he had gone too far. They didn’t even know each other that well, so his questions had irritated the other man.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to-“

“The only thing you need to know is that we aren’t in good terms. Stop asking personal stuff, thank you,” Sho cut him off harshly.

Aiba apologized and shut his mouth, not daring to say anything more. He made him angry. That’s why he didn’t want to talk the morning after with people, he knew that he would say something that would annoy them. It happened so many times after all…

Sighing, he sat up, but before he could move an inch more, Sakurai took him by his arm and made him lie down again.

“It’s me the one who’s sorry… It’s true that we don’t know each other, but this doesn’t give me the right to treat you like this,” the man admitted.

He smiled at Sho, accepting his apology, and returned to his previous position: on his side, staring at the man in front of him.

If he had to be honest, he didn’t want to get up from that bed and not because it was comfortable. He wanted to spend some more time with the other, even if just in silence. For what he cared, Sho could even talk endlessly about his job even though Masaki wouldn’t understand anything; he would still hear every single word the man would say.

Those thoughts scared him, because just by hearing them, it was clear that they implied something _deeper_ , but the certainty that Sakurai would return to Maebashi, in Gunma, when the deal would be finished, made him feel relieved. It was impossible to ‘fall’ into commitment that way.

“Say… Do you really not have anyone to hang out with?”

“Yes.”

“Then, you could hang out with me?” he proposed, his gaze not leaving Sakurai’s face, studying him.

“Wasn’t I just a one-night stand?”

“Maybe, you could be my two-months stand.”

Sho stared at him intensely, not answering his words. He didn’t know how he could react. It wouldn’t surprise him if Sho would reject him, he had already irritated him once after all; it could happen again, no, almost surely it would. Still, he hoped that Sakurai would accept.

The circumstances were perfect, he knew that with Sho it could work. He would finally understand why everyone was so obsessed with these ‘full-packages’: he would taste one, savoring it, chewing it, but wouldn’t swallow it. Like this, there were no chances that it would become his favourite dish.

『NO STRINGS ATTACHED = NO PAIN』

Yes, that was his golden rule. That was how it worked. He knew it, and by doing this, he would follow the rule by the letter.

Sho shifted to his side, copying Masaki’s position, and got closer, opening his mouth and whispering.

“Fine by me.”

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

A month had passed since that day and Aiba really wished that he could say that it was going well, but it wasn’t at all. Their relationship had changed, they grew closer and things were going out of his control.

At first, they would meet only on Saturday or Sunday night, but soon it became a whole weekend, and before he could realize, he was already at Sho’s from Friday evening all the way towards Monday morning. The sex was soon joined by eating out at fancy restaurants, drives, endless conversations at night about everything and anything.

When they were apart, they kept in contact through LINE. They would send each other the weirdest stuff: for example, once, Sho had sent him a video of a kangaroo wrestling with a person; another time, Aiba had sent him a selfie while waiting for his medical check-up. It was silly, he was aware of that, but he couldn’t help but have fun.

That was the main reason why now he was all smiles, giggling just outside Sakurai’s workplace, due to the other’s texts.

_?What do you think I am doing now_

_… Please, don’t tell me you’re jerking off and_

_you want me to go along with it._

_!I’m not horny all the time, you know_

_Weird._

_,You’re the worst. Here am I, thinking about you_

_.while you just make fun of me_

_I’m thinking about you too._

_?Really_

_Of course, a co-worker was found sending selfies_

_during the meeting and he was scolded._

_.I hate you_

_I do too. Pretty much._

_So, you’re fine if I stop making you_

_?come and see the stars_

_I’m in the elevator with other people!_

_Get a hold of yourself!_

_Oh, does this mean you’re_

_?heading back home_

_Yes, why?_

_(You totally ignored me…)_

_...Just thinking how lovely you would look_

_,You know, almost bumping into the mirror door_

_.since you’re too focused on your phone_

_Aiba, how did you…?_

_I bet you would look so cute while_

_.turning right and left, checking if I’m there_

_What the hell?!_

_-Your frown would look so cute_

_Be careful! You could almost_

_.bump into an old lady_

_Cut it out._

_Aah~ What wouldn’t I do to see you_

_.with a tuft of hair in front of your eyes_

_WHERE ARE YOU?!_

Aiba had finished his shift earlier and had come all this way just for the sake of surprising Sakurai. He had told him that he could go to his apartment only after dinner, but instead, he had bought two pizzas and some beer so that they could have a picnic outside; at a place which Aiba was eager to go with the other.

He was loving his teasing, watching Sho turning around repeatedly searching for him. He was hiding behind a tree which was far away from the other, that’s why he hadn’t been spotted yet.

At the nth death threat from Sho, he revealed himself.

_.Look to your right_

When Sho’s gaze met him, his confused face made room for a perplexed one.

_How come you’re here?_

Masaki didn’t send an answer, instead, he walked up to him and just when he was some inches away from him, he leaned and whispered, “Surprise.”

Without giving an explanation and without waiting for the other to ask for one, he took him by his hand and led them towards the car. As soon as they got in, though, Sakurai began to interrogate him: why was he here, where were they going, were they going to eat at least?

Aiba shut his mouth, he didn’t want to spoil the surprise after all. He had even asked Sho to close his eyes, all for the sake of it. He had to fight a bit, but eventually the other complied to his wish… Well, more like an order actually.

When they finally reached the place, Aiba helped Sho exiting and walking towards the front of the car.

“If we’re in a high place, I promise that I’ll push you down,” Sakurai threatened him, his tone not too serious though.

“We’re not, don’t worry,” he reassured him.

When Aiba stepped backwards, Sakurai exclaimed, anxious, “Where are you going? Where? Where? Are you going to leave me here all alone?”

Those words caused Aiba to laugh loudly; he was only going to take food and drinks which were in the car’s trunk. Sakurai was really afraid that they were in a high place, but he should have known better. Masaki could never play with someone’s fear.

“Hey, I’m just taking something from the trunk, I’ll be right back in five seconds,” he whispered to his ear, placing his hand on his shoulder and squeezing it a bit.

“Alright, but if you don’t come back in five seconds, you’ll be in trouble.”

As he moved toward the back of the car, he heard Sho actually starting to count and he couldn’t help but chuckle. That man was really amusing.

“One… Two… Three… Four… Four and a half…”

Just when he had put the pizza and beer boxes on the car, Sho’s countdown finished.

“Five. You’re dead, Aiba Masaki, I’ll end you-“ he put his hands over the other’s mouth and, again, whispered in his ear.

“You can open your eyes.”

Sho did as he was told and he was left agape: in front of him, Tokyo bay was shining with the brightest colours he had ever seen. The lights of the tall skyscrapers reflected on the water, creating another Tokyo. Even though it was night, there were still some boats sailing the bay.

They were in an open space not too far from the street, but it didn’t seem to be a busy road, considering that since they arrived, just a car or two came by. It was a very quiet place, only the sound of the waves and the wind was around them. It didn’t even look like the crowded and noisy Tokyo.

“It is…”

“Beautiful, right?” Aiba said for him, before climbing on the car’s hood and patting the spot next to him, “Come here, we have everything for a picnic.”

Sakurai, again, followed his instructions and sat beside him, opening one of the boxes placed between them.

“Margherita… Quite simple, I see,” he commented.

“We’ve been talking so much but I don’t know your favourite pizza yet, so I chose the simplest one,” Aiba justified his choice.

The other man nodded, smiling, and looked ahead of him. He bit his lower lip and, shaking his head, whispered something to himself. When at last he let out a chuckle, Aiba felt the need to ask; he wanted to know.

“What is it?”

“Nothing…”

Aiba didn’t believe that at all and leaned in, staring right into his eyes. He might not know what Sakurai’s favourite pizza was, but he surely knew when he was hiding something. He had learnt to interpret those eyes.

It took some minutes for Sho’s wall to break down, thanks to Masaki’s bright and sincere smile, and show his true feelings.

“No one has ever prepared a surprise for me, nor brought me to this kind of place. Probably no one has ever cared enough to do that, so, for a moment, I felt moved. Thanks Masaki.”

He would lie if he said that those words didn’t hit him. First of all, because they meant that Sakurai had never found someone who actually cared about him; second, because they meant that Aiba was the first one he was sharing that kind of moment with, and it made him ridiculously happy.

“Love hasn’t been kind to you, am I right?” he said, opening a bottle of beer and passing one to the other man.

“You’re right,” Sakurai admitted.

As much as he wanted to ask further, he knew how reserved Sakurai could be, he had already crossed the line with him in the past, so he didn’t want to make a mistake another time. He waited for him to open up; if he was going to do that in the first place though.

Sho seemed frozen, tapping his fingers around the bottle, his gaze lost into the sea in front of them, his lips curved up in a half-smile. If he had to be sincere, Aiba felt the urge to grab his phone and take a picture; he could easily see that sight as his background. He didn’t take the photo, or better, he did, but with his own eyes and impressed it in his mind. It was the perfect background to see when closing his eyes.

It seemed like a vision, one of the best. Masaki didn’t even want to call the other to remind him that they were in the middle of a conversation. For what he cared, he could stay all night watching him, as people did with paintings. Yeah… Sakurai Sho was his very own painting.

『NEVER FEEL ATTACHMENT TO SOMEONE. YOU DON’T BELONG TO ANYONE AND NO ONE BELONGS TO YOU』

A sudden shiver spread from his head throughout his whole body, to his feet. He shook his head, getting rid of all the unnecessary thoughts he was making.

Aiba took a big sip out of his beer and ate up a slice of pizza in less than a minute.

 _Don’t think about it… Don’t think about it… Don’t, don’t,_ he kept chanting in his mind.

Sakurai came back to reality when, at the fourth slice eaten in a rush, Aiba started to cough.

“Are you trying to choke yourself to death?!” Sho joked, patting Masaki’s back rather forcefully, until he eventually stopped coughing. He drank all his beer and took a deep breath.

Okay, he had definitely overdone it.

“I-I’m fine,” he stuttered.

“What were you even thinking about that got you so… Impetuous?”

“And you? What were you even thinking about that got you so lost in your thoughts?” he retorted, maybe more grumpily than he intended to.

“About my ex.”

Sho’s reply was so direct and immediate that Masaki felt as if he had just been cut by a sharp blade, which hit right on his face and… In his heart.

Aiba stayed still, not knowing what to reply and if he even wanted to. He could say something, but he was sure that anything coming out of his mouth would be either too harsh or too stupid.

Realizing his hesitation, Sho helped him, “I can tell you about it, if you want,” to which he nodded immediately.

“Do you remember when you asked me why I wasn’t on good terms with my co-worker?”

Again, he nodded.

“Well, he is my ex. What a good and relaxed work-environment, right?” Sakurai exclaimed with irony. He brought his beer to his lips and hesitated, before drinking half the bottle in one go.

“We met during a conference,” Sakurai began, “6 months later we were dating, one year later he was assigned as my secretary. I thought that it was fate, you know, like that cheesy stuff they tell in romcoms. But the reality is that this is not a romcom, and people are way shittier than we can imagine.”

“What did he do?” Aiba put aside the empty bottle and brought his knees to his chest, listening closely to the other’s story.

“He told me that he wanted an ‘open relationship.’ He didn’t want to commit himself, the only idea of going out with just one person at a time was too much for him. He affirmed that he loved me though, but his heart was so big that he wanted to give other people his love and affection too.”

“And what did you reply?”

“That it was his dick the only one craving to give his sperm to others. Your heart is too big for only one person? It doesn’t even make sense, if your wish is to only play around, then have the guts to say so. Why ask me to be your boyfriend if you don’t even want to?”

By now, Aiba was speechless. If on one side he could see himself in that guy, not wanting to commit himself, on the other he couldn’t believe him. Why mislead someone and give them false hope, knowing that what you want is different? Why hurt someone so much?

“He could have said so in the beginning, at least you wouldn’t have wasted time with such an asshole,” he said, his voice filled with hatred.

“Exactly. For example,” Sho turned towards him, “You were clear from the start. I’m a two-months stand, nothing more nothing less. So, I don’t expect you to treat me as your lover, neither do I expect you to continue this after I leave Tokyo. Why can’t people be sincere?”

Aiba understood that question more than anyone could. Too much. That was the same question he had asked himself so many times in the past and still asked himself now. It was the biggest mystery of this world for him. Everyone would hide themselves behind lies, too afraid to reveal their true self and tell the truth.

In the end, the one getting burned the most by lies is not the one who tells them, but the ones who are being lied to. You feel stupid for not having realized sooner; you feel betrayed because you trusted that person; you feel alone because the only person you believed to be by your side, actually, was the farthest person from you.

“Hey,” Sho’s sweet voice shook him from his thoughts. The other’s hand was brushing his arm, “I didn’t want to make you sad.”

“You didn’t, I was just… Thinking,” he assured him.

“Your face was way too gloomy for being just ‘thinking’,” Sakurai replied, not persuaded by his excuse.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine,” he declared, before changing the subject from him back to Sho, “And anyway, it was totally his loss.”

“Really?”

“Of course!” Aiba answered promptly, flashing him his usual grin. It faded away pretty soon, though, as soon as the man spoke.

“So, it will be _your_ loss too.”

He gulped. He couldn’t deny that, but at the same time he couldn’t admit it, not when such an answer would compromise what they had created. No, they didn’t create anything, because there was _nothing_ between them. Not a relationship, not a friendship, just two strangers who were having fun together.

Not bearing Sho’s intense stare, Masaki avoided it, directing his gaze on his fingers, which soon were covered by the other’s ones.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t-“

“Yes, it will be my loss too.”

Sakurai froze, his eyes right on Aiba. He wasn’t sure if it were the lights of Tokyo’s skyscrapers, but he saw a little sparkle in them. Just as he was getting closer, to study them better, Sho blinked and smiled, whispering ‘ _Thank you._ ” Unable to say anything back, Aiba only murmured a “ _Yes,_ ” and lowered his head.

In silence, they began to eat the pizzas which had gone cold by now.

After having finished their food and drinks, Aiba put everything back in his car. They didn’t talk much, just some sentences here and there, related to the food or some boat passing by. Aiba didn’t know if it was only him who was having that awkward feeling inside him, or the other man too.

He knew that, if he was feeling like this, it was all his fault. Those words made the balance they built waver. He had to talk to Sakurai and lift the heavy atmosphere which hovered around them. However, what to say?

Sighing, he rubbed his hands on his hair, starting to feel nervous all at once.

 _Words will come somehow,_ he encouraged himself.

With hesitation, he approached the front of the car, where Sho was staring at the night scenery which Tokyo bay was showing them. He looked at it too and, indeed, it was a beautiful scenery. He didn’t know how, but it always managed to calm him down and take his mind off everything.

At that moment, he found it. He knew what he could tell Sho.

『UPON REVEALING YOUR TRUE COLOURS TO SOMEONE, THINK FIRST IF YOU REALLY WANT THEM TO KNOW』

He stopped his steps, lowering his gaze to the ground.

Did he really want Sho to know? He wasn’t going to see him again, in less than a month they would part ways, why should he tell him? What would he gain from confessing his past? Nothing.

But then again, Sho had opened up to him, he had the courage to do that. If he felt at ease with Aiba knowing about that, then why wouldn’t he feel the same?

Once more, a rule was pushed in the back of his mind, as he sat back again beside the other man.

“Do you mind if I tell you how I know this place?”

“I don’t mind at all, rather, I would be very happy,” Sakurai answered, a wide smile spreading on his face.

“Many, many years ago, I was in a relationship with a man who was 10 years older than me. At first, I thought that this love was impossible, but then he returned my feelings, and I was the happiest person in the world. I loved him so much and I trusted him so much; the fact that he was older made me feel protected; he was my hero. However, our parents were against our relationship, so I suggested that we should have a talk with them. We had never been introduced to our respective families, after all, and I was sure that if they saw how much we loved each other they would give us their blessing. But he was against that idea so he proposed to run away together, in a place where no one would judge us and our love… and I accepted.”

Almost surely, Sakurai guessed how this was going to end, since he came nearer and was already caressing his back.

“He told me to wait at the airport, he would take care of everything else like tickets and such. So, when it finally was the day, I went to the airport and waited for him. And waited. And waited. For so long… But he never showed up.”

Before a tear would fall from his eye, he looked up and blinked it away.

“I tried to call him, text him, but I couldn’t reach him in any way. That day, I returned home only because my friends came to the airport to bring me back. When I told them that he wasn’t there, no matter how many hours had passed and how many calls I had made, they concluded that he had left me. I couldn’t believe that, and for some time I still tried to contact him, with poor results.”

“Aiba…”

“You know what we found out then? He was married and with kids. He had lied to me since the beginning, I had always been something to kill time with for him. His parents didn’t know about me, neither his wife nor his children, of course. No one knew about me. I was his secret, and I still am… I had a very rough time back then, if it weren’t for the guys, I don’t know how I could overcome all that.”

And it was true. Nino, Jun and Ohno had been his rocks, his pillars, they had supported him in every way they could. He was indebted to them. He had thought that everything had ended, that life didn’t have a meaning anymore, but they made him understand that he was still young, and that Heisuke didn’t deserve even one of his tears.

“During that time, one night, I drove all over the city and then, I passed by this place. As soon as I saw it, I knew that I had to at least get off the car once and look at this sight. It turned out to be the only place I could be at ease and clear my head. And it was right here that I made up my mind on not falling again in love’s trap. I gave myself rules and since then I’ve been following them.”

“And how are you now?”

“Totally fine. If I think about him again, it still hurts a bit, but I’m madder at myself, for letting myself be deceived by love in that way.”

“It wasn’t love the one to deceive you, it was that man. Just because you found a horrible person, it doesn’t mean that it’s love’s fault,” Sakurai argued.

“Do you want to tell me that you still believe in love? Even after what you went through?” he asked in disbelief, not believing what he had heard.

“Of course I do. I got on the wrong train, but not for this reason I blame all the train stations. I don’t know if this makes sense to you,” Sho tried to put into words his view on the matter.

It did make sense, in general, but not for him. He had always blamed love after all, that was the reason why he had tried with all his might to avoid it, so sharing that opinion was quite hard for him. It would mean to acknowledge the fact that he had been an idiot all along.

“It makes sense, but I can’t accept it,” he declared at last.

Sakurai pouted for some seconds before nodding; then, he patted him on the shoulder and affirmed, “Anyway, it was his loss.”

Masaki turned toward Sho, who had the same look in his eyes as when Aiba had said those very same words not so long ago. Now, he got what it felt to be told that: happiness.

When he got back to reality, he found himself too near to the other man’s face and averted his gaze in a second, lifting his head towards the sky.

“They are beautiful, right?” Sakurai commented, imitating him and staring at the night sky too.

“Yes, they really are. Do you want to lie down?” he asked.

Before Sho could reply, he was already lying down, his back on the windshield. He put his arm under his head like a cushion while stretching his legs.

“Are you sure about this? We won’t do any damage to your car? Plus, it must be very uncomfortable,” Sho guessed.

He didn’t know what came over him, maybe it was due to all what they talked about, maybe it was the atmosphere of that place, maybe it was everything; in any case, he must have gone crazy to say what he was going to say.

“Come on, you can use my chest as a pillow.”

There was silence for a bit, both of them staring at each other. Sho was unsure and evidently troubled on what to do; he bit his lips and seemed to re-think about his choice every time he would make it, since his hand was approaching Aiba and retrieving repeatedly.

On the other hand, Aiba was motionless. He was still cursing himself for what he had just said, something that he couldn’t take back. Every border of their agreement was falling off that night and all due to him. It all started to go wrong when he had decided to surprise Sho. No, it all started to go wrong when he had decided to make him his two-months stand. He should have known better.

 _Masaki, come on, you’re a lone wolf. Nothing is going to happen, plus, there is only one month left. You’re going to be fine,_ he reassured himself mentally.

After what seemed an eternity, Sho chuckled, “Is this okay with your rules?”

When he nodded, the other man lay down with him and rested his head on Aiba’s chest. His free arm embraced Sakurai by itself. Masaki tried to ignore all the butterflies which were flying in his stomach, due to that closeness. In vain, though.

_It’s alright for one night, it’s not a big deal._

It was nothing major. Just two people hugging each other under the stars. Two people who were just having fun for a while, nothing too deep.

Absolutely nothing.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

“I’ll be leaving first, good work today,” Aiba greeted his co-workers as he exited the staff room.

That day had been very busy. Either it was some kind of festivity, or everyone had decided to send out presents today. He had to read so many addresses and a large part of them were international ones. His brain had been on the verge of melting for the whole day.

Completely exhausted, he left the building and took out his phone from his jacket. Aside from the group chat with his friends, there was only one unread message in the private chat and it was by Ninomiya. He didn’t click on the pop-up notification, but just read its preview.

_We need to talk, come at mine as soon as your shift is finished._

That was what the text said, so he began to wonder if something had happened and to whom. He could only hope it wasn’t anything major and that it was just that his friend needed to vent about some game tournament he had lost.

Sending back a reply, telling his best friend that he was going to be there soon, Aiba reached his car and drove towards Ninomiya’s house.

The door opened just some seconds after he had rung the bell. Without saying anything, Ninomiya let him enter and lead him towards the kitchen.

“Hello Aiba, how are you? Oh, I’m fine thanks, what about you? Me too, sorry if I had made you come all the way here, but I really need to talk to you about something,” Aiba made up the conversation all by himself, sat on a chair at the table and then turned to Nino, “I did all the pleasantries for you, don’t need to thank me.”

Ninomiya didn’t react to his teasing, which worried him since he always did. Instead, the younger man crossed his arms and sighed.

“The others and I have been noticing that you’re weird lately and they sent me to ask you, since I’ve known you the longest.”

“I don’t understand what you mean…” he mumbled, even though he could perfectly imagine what it was about.

“All of a sudden you say that you’re busy for whole weekends, in which you don’t even reply in our group chat. When we ask you about it, you either change the subject or give us vague answers. We don’t want to meddle in whatever you’re doing, but we hate the fact that you’re hiding something from us, as if you don’t trust us,” Nino explained, his tone clearly sad and hurt.

He didn’t have excuses; his friend was right. He had treated all that was happening with Sakurai as a secret. It wasn’t like he didn’t want them to know, but he was afraid of what they could say to him. If he had told them, they would for sure try to persuade him to deepen whatever bond he had with Sho.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I swear that I didn’t want to hide anything, I do trust you guys. I know that you’re always ready to help me, as I am you,” he told him sincerely.

“Then, why are you keeping us out of it? Is it something that involves us or that can harm us?” the man took a seat at the table too and looked right into Aiba’s eyes.

“No, don’t worry, it doesn’t involve you. It’s just that… This thing which I’m doing… It is something I prefer to handle by myself,” he explained.

“Are you having problems at work? Or maybe in your private life?” Ninomiya stood up abruptly and slammed his hands on the table, “Don’t tell me that Heisuke came back because I’ll kill him for real, no joke I’m telling you-“

“No no Nino, no! Calm down! Heisuke has nothing to do with this!” he set him at ease, since Nino had already grabbed the knife which was lying on the kitchen sink.

“Are you sure? Do you promise me?” the man said, still holding the blade.

“Yes, I would have told you right away if it were about him. I promise.”

Ninomiya waited a bit before putting the knife away and sitting down again.

“Will you tell us one day?”

“Maybe, but surely not before it will be over,” he replied.

“And when will this happen?” the other urged him at last.

“Two weeks or so.”

At that moment, Aiba became self-conscious of the short time he still had with Sakurai. At first, two months seemed so long, but now they were coming to an end; so, sixty days went by fast after all.

He felt stupid now for not having contacted Sho in days. He had been too scared by how they spent the last weekend, that he didn’t even have the courage to reply to one of his texts. There were so many “ _Good morning,_ ” and “ _Goodnight,_ ” which were left on read. Being busy wasn’t even an excuse anymore since it had been days since he last texted him.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Why so down?” the shorter man called for him.

He sighed, knowing that he should give his friend some information, at least regarding himself, “This thing is changing me and making me feel things I thought I would never be able to feel again. I’m even breaking so many rules…”

“By ‘rules’ you mean… Yours?”

“Yes…”

“Aiba, but your rules are about…” Nino prompted hesitantly.

He raised his head, biting his lower lip; he opened his mouth, but before voice could come out of it, he was cut off by his phone which buzzed repeatedly. He ignored it, guessing that it was Ohno and Jun in their group chat who knew that Nino would have discussed with him tonight.

However, after listening carefully, he realized that it wasn’t the buzz of tons of messages but of a call. Whoever was calling, it seemed pretty insistent since they were waiting all this time for him to answer.

“Better to take it, seems important,” his friend suggested.

Masaki followed his advice and picked up his phone. It was Sho.

Aiba’s finger ghosted above the green bubble, hesitating on replying. Sho had never called him, not even once, so this meant that this call was indeed important. Did he want to ask why he had disappeared? Why he had never replied to his texts?

His phone was buzzing continuously, Ninomiya was staring at him confused, since he was frozen and damn confused on what to do.

He closed his eyes and slid his finger on his phone’s screen, accepting the call.

“Hi,” he greeted.

“A-Aiba… Help me… Please…”

Masaki got worried in a second hearing Sho’s voice; he was breathing hard and his voice was very weak.

“Sho, what happened?” he asked alarmed, already standing up.

“I… d-don’t feel well…” Sakurai stuttered.

“Where are you?”

“On the b-bridge near… my office,” at the end of the other line he could indeed hear the sound of water flowing.

“I’ll be there in a minute, wait for me,” he said firmly.

“Aiba… I-I’m sorry… to bother you…” Sho was clearly struggling to speak, and the fact that he still apologized to him made his heart clench.

“Don’t even think about this shit,” he retorted.

“Sorry… P-Please… Come soon…”

Masaki called the other man over and over again but he wasn’t replying. He cursed under his breath and ran towards the entrance door.

“Wait Aiba, what happened? Who is this Sho?” Nino went after him.

“I don’t have time for this, I’ll call you later,” he told him and in some seconds he was already out of Nino’s flat.

While driving at a speed he had never reached, his mind was bombarding itself with questions. What if Sho had fainted? He was in the middle of the street; anything could happen to him. Aiba had to be as fast as possible.

When he was on the street which led to the bridge, he could see a figure crouching down.

“Sho!” he shouted out, even though no one could hear him since he was still driving.

Pulling over before the bridge, he dashed out of his car and ran to Sakurai. The man had his back on the tall and thick railing, his knees brought to his chest and his head was lowered on them.

Aiba called him, shaking him by his shoulders but he didn’t receive any reply. Gently, he lifted him up, wrapping his left arm around his waist and putting Sho’s right arm around his shoulders.

“I’m here, everything will be okay,” he told him right in his ear.

“A-Aiba…” the weary man whispered.

Seeing how weak Sakurai was, Masaki concluded that he had to carry him to the car, so he moved his left arm behind Sho’s legs and lifted him. Throughout the whole path, he had his eyes fixed on the other man’s face: his eyes half-closed, his mouth slightly opened, his skin very pale.

Was it something he ate or drank? Was it some kind of virus? Was it tiredness due to his work? What had caused Sho to feel this way?

He had to stay calm, his increasing heartbeat wouldn’t help in any way, he had to bring them to the hospital after all and he couldn’t do that if he was overwrought.

Finally in the car, Sakurai laid in the backseat Aiba took a deep breath and then started to drive.

“Where… we…” he managed to hear the other man whispering.

“We’re going to the hospital,” he replied, turning on a corner.

“No… Home is fine. What if… they admit m-me… to… I… have work…”

“If they admit you to the hospital it’s because something is wrong with you, what the hell are you thinking about work for?!” he scolded him. Aiba couldn’t believe that guy: he knew that he was a workaholic, but to this point? Was he serious?

“B-But-“

“No buts! You’re crazy if you think I will just leave you at home when you look about to die,” he didn’t want to sound harsh, but he was too anxious to control his tone.

“I-I’m… just… tired…”

“Then shut up and don’t waste your energies!”

Not hearing anything as a reply, he was scared to have hurt the other or worse, that he had fainted; so, when he had to stop at a traffic light, he glanced at his back and gladly saw that Sho had still his eyes opened. Aiba sighed in relief.

The road seemed so endless that he was going insane: traffic lights, congestions, corners over corners to take. Since when was Tokyo’s hospital so difficult to get to? He was so stressed that he believed he was dreaming when he saw the building right in front of him.

“We’re here. C’mon,” he told the other.

Once more, he took Sho in his arms and carried him inside. What happened later went by very quickly: Aiba going to the reception desk, his voice as shaken as ever; a nurse coming at him and asking for their names and what had happened; Sho calling for him faintly, grasping at his shirt before fainting over him; his heart stopping as soon as the other’s body went lifeless; two nurses leading him to a room where he placed Sho’s body on a bed; the doctor coming in and requesting for Aiba to leave the room; reluctantly obeying and throwing a last glance at Sakurai before going away and sitting on the seats out of the room.

He clasped his head on his hands, closed his eyes and did the only thing he could do at that moment: wait.

As soon as he heard the doctor coming out of the room, Aiba stood up.

“Doctor!” he called, approaching him, and then asked, “How’s he?”

“Are you a relative of his?”

“No, I’m not… But he doesn’t live here, his family is in Gunma…” his voice was lowered suddenly, the realization of powerlessness crushing him. Even if it were nothing, even if his family wasn’t there, they still couldn’t tell him as it was personal information. However, Aiba was dying to know even the tiniest detail about the other’s condition, he couldn’t stand to not know anything any longer.

He knew that what he was thinking wasn’t right, that he shouldn’t do that, but he had no choice. He had to lie.

“I’m not a relative but I’ll be one soon, I’m Aiba Masaki and we’re engaged.”

The man scanned him, probably pondering on whether having faith in his words or not. In the meanwhile, Aiba prayed with all his being that his lie would be taken as true.

“Very well,” he breathed a sigh of relief when the doctor turned toward him fully to talk to him. Luckily he had believed him, “There’s nothing wrong with Sakurai, his vital signs are all normal, except for two which are a bit low but nothing worth worrying about; we have already proceeded to treat those. We believe that he’s fainted due to stress and fatigue, probably caused by work or private life, or both.”

Aiba was a mix of emotions. He was happy that Sho wasn’t ill, but on the other hand he was very concerned. How could he not notice that the other man was exhausting himself? Yes, he knew that Sakurai was very focused on his project, but when they were together, he didn’t seem _that_ tired; he was lively and his eyes were always sparkling. He hadn’t realized anything and, somehow, he considered himself guilty.

“For the moment, make sure that he takes a good rest; don’t let him overwhelm himself with work or stress himself over the wedding. Sakurai needs to relax otherwise his body won’t keep his pace and he will collapse again. Remind him that even machines have to stop once in a while.”

“Will definitely do.”

Indeed, Sho didn’t have anyone there so he was the one that had to take care of him. He was sure that the other man would assure him that he was fine and that he didn’t need a babysitter, but Masaki knew Sakurai too well. If he really did not look after him, then Sho would absolutely go back to work.

“Right now he is sleeping, but if you want you can go see him, but just for a tiny bit. He mustn’t wake up for the moment, he is very weak. Tomorrow morning I will come back to check on him again and if everything is going well, he will be discharged. Now, excuse me, but I have other patients to examine. Goodbye for now.”

“Thank you very much, doctor, goodbye,” Aiba bowed as the man walked away.

He moved toward the room’s door and looked towards Sakurai’s direction. The two nurses had just finished to prepare him for the night and were now leaving the room; they greeted him as they went past him.

Aiba really wanted to go in and sit by Sho’s side, in the hope that he could somehow feel that, no, he wasn’t alone, there was Masaki by his side. But he didn’t have the courage, not after he had ignored him for days. He didn’t have the right to spoil himself and see Sho’s peaceful, sleeping face.

As he was returning to his seat, his phone buzzed, signalling an incoming call. He saw the caller ID and knew that he couldn’t run away this time.

“Yes, Nino,” he replied while sitting down.

“So? How’s he doing?” his friend must have been worried too, judging by his tone.

“He’s fine. Apparently, he collapsed due to fatigue or stress,” he explained. He sighed, still not accepting the fact that he hadn’t realized anything.

“I see, I hope that he will get better soon.”

After that there was silence on both ends of the call: Aiba only desired to call it a day and turn off, only switching on the next morning, when Sakurai would be awake; but Nino... Well, Aiba could imagine what was coming.

“Aiba… Is this person that thing you want to handle by yourself?”

Aiba’s guess was right.

“Yes, it’s him.”

“And… Is this person that full-package guy?”

“Yeah... How do you know?”

“I got that something was about to start when I saw you two in the parking, that smile of yours was way too similar to that one in the past.” As expected, Nino was a very good observer, he always managed to dig into him and find all the truth, no matter how much he tried to hide it.

“I… It’s not… I mean…” Aiba was at loss for words and ended up stuttering.

“Do you know how he feels about you?”

“Nino, I’m not going to talk about this with you, Jun or Ohno. I know what you’re going to say, you will put weird things in my head, making me admit all the good stuff about him and such. You will brainwash me and I don’t want to fall back again into that trap you guys call love,” he declared; by now he was supporting his head with his free hand, resting his elbow on his leg.

“Got it, then, I’ll leave you alone tonight and spare you all the speech I had already prepared beforehand, but let me tell you just one last thing. You realize that you have already ‘fallen back again into that trap’, right?”

Aiba didn’t say anything.

“Just as I thought.”

Nino bid him goodnight and ended the call.

Aiba was left there, alone, only his thoughts keeping him company. Thoughts he really wished they didn’t, since they were all filled with Sho.

Someone had shaken him gently, making him wake up. Looking around, he found himself in the same seat from the previous night, meaning that he had fallen asleep there. Well, at least this explained why his neck and back were hurting.

Aiba glanced to his side and saw the same doctor from yesterday. Immediately, he stood up.

“Good morning, doctor,” he greeted him politely.

“Good morning. We have just finished checking up on Sakurai and I can gladly affirm that he is fine now, he can be discharged without problems.”

A warm and relieved smile appeared on his face, he was so happy that he could have jumped on his feet and hugged the doctor. Of course, he couldn’t do that, so he limited himself to thank him and bowed deeply.

“My best wishes for your marriage,” with those last words, the doctor excused himself and went away.

 _Ah, right…_ he mentally facepalmed himself as soon as that lie was brought back to his mind.

He could imagine that the doctor had told Sakurai that he was there, but he hoped that he had not referred to Masaki as Sho’s ‘fiancé.’ Well, for what he said, his lie hadn’t been discovered, so either he had called him by his name or Sho had gone along with it. This made him chuckle, the memory of that night at the club suddenly crossing his mind.

The contexts were different, but if Sakurai hadn’t minded back then, he probably didn’t this time too.

Stretching his aching limbs, he approached the room and he was soon spotted by a beaming Sakurai, who was currently having breakfast.

“Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” he teased.

“I’ll let this slide just because you slept here all night and this was very nice of you.” At that moment, Aiba felt that the smile Sho was making was the softest one he had ever seen.

“Of course I stayed here, you basically died in my arms! I was panic-stricken!”

“I didn’t die on you, I just fainted,” Sakurai replied, chuckling.

“About that,” Aiba started, serious at once, before closing the curtains so that they could talk without anyone listening. Then, he took the chair near the bed, sat on it, clasped his hands together on the corner of the bed and informed him, “The doctor told me that the cause of it could be stress and tiredness… Are you… Overworking yourself?”

“Not more than the usual,” was Sakurai’s answer.

“You know, I thought about something last night. Could it be that you’re doubling your daily work so that you don’t have to do anything on the weekend? You know, so that you can stay with me…” he didn’t know where he got the courage to actually state what had been on his mind. He was embarrassed but he really wondered about that too much the previous day and the guiltiness was killing him.

Sakurai took his time to reply to what Aiba had just said; he finished his bowl of rice and placed it back on the trail where his breakfast was, or better, had been since it was all eaten. Sho put his right hand over his and looked at him straight in the eyes.

“Aiba, I’m a workaholic by nature so I’m always working. I love to work, and I can’t stop. You don’t have any fault, believe it or not, it’s the contrary. When I was with you, I could have fun and forget about everything; I was relaxed so, if it hadn’t been for you, I would have collapsed way sooner.”

Hearing that, Aiba pouted slightly, as if he were a child who had just been given excuses. This made the other man burst out laughing but he soon shushed himself, remembering that they weren’t alone in the room.

“Then, what is it? There must be a reason; don’t give me the ‘I’m a workaholic’ thing. I have a friend who is like this too, but in all this time he’s never fainted once,” he insisted. Jun was known for being the most workaholic of the group, so Masaki did know what that meant.

Sho sighed and averted his gaze, his face suddenly sad. He began to talk after having drunk his glass of water, “Before coming here to Tokyo, I overheard my superiors talking about transferring me. I don’t know if this is about a promotion or a change of department; the only thing I’m aware of is that the last time someone was transferred, that man was sent to Fukuoka.”

As stupid as it was, not knowing well what to do, he tried to cheer him up, “Fukuoka is nice, you know.”

Luckily, this managed to get a smile out of Sakurai, but his gloomy aura returned too fast.

“I have my whole life in Maebashi; my family, my friends… I can’t stand restarting from scratch at my age,” he confessed.

“You can’t be sure that you’ll be sent there, after all, you’ve just overheard some words,” he comforted him.

“Still, what if it’s really about that? What if they decide based on how I’ll do in this project? Or worse, what if they’ve already decided? The only way to make them change their minds is to show them how hard I can work,” Sho declared. Aiba could not only hear the determination in his words, but he could see it even in his eyes

He could understand the other man, he himself would be lost if his boss would decide to reassign him far away from home. However, he couldn’t let Sakurai go too far.

“And how do you plan to show them if you kill yourself due to all this work?”

“I won’t-“

“Believe me, you will eventually,” he cut him off and spoke with a firm voice, “You have to rest as much as you can, you’re very weak at the moment. So, do you know what this means?”

Sakurai wanted to say something back at that, but, surely, he had spent so much time with him to know that, when Aiba Masaki pulled out his firm voice, nothing could be said against him. So, he ended up sighing and shaking his head, waiting for what Aiba was going to tell him.

“That I’ll bring you home and we will stay in bed all day, or on the sofa. We will watch some movies or some dramas and relax.”

“No, no, no,” Sho began to protest, “First of all, today I have a meeting, so I _need_ to go; second, what about you?”

“First of all, you’ll call your secretary and tell him that you can’t attend the meeting; second, my shift starts in the afternoon so I will inform them that today I can’t go,” he replied, listing off his points the same way Sho had.

“But, Aiba-“

“Sakurai Sho, I’m taking custody of you until you will have fully recovered,” he declared, putting his fist on his chest and faking a serious voice.

“I can’t say no to this, right?” Sho tried one last time, but Aiba’s negative answer made him eventually surrender to his fate. Then, as if remembering something, his face lit up, “Well, I can’t go against my fiancé, can I?”

Aiba’s body tensed up at that word. He had totally forgotten about that, and now he was lost. What should he do? Apologize for this lie? Joke about it?

Gladly, before he could figure out what to say, Sho spoke, “Before you were my boyfriend, now my fiancé, next time you’re going to be my husband?”

He laughed at that teasing. Indeed, those lies seemed to ‘level up’ since every time they moved a step forward.

“You’ll never know what could happen in life,” he went along with the joking, enjoying that playful exchange of words.

Aiba didn’t tell Sho that he still had his hand over his. He didn’t tell him that it didn’t feel bad at all. He didn’t tell him that, to tell the truth, he desired to hold his hand.

“Masaki,” his heart skipped a beat when the other man called him by his first name, something which had never happened up until now, “Thank you.”

He looked up, words not coming out from his throat. The only thing he managed to do was to return Sho’s smile, which seemed more radiant than usual.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

From that day, Aiba paid so much attention to Sakurai, keeping an eye on whether he was overdoing himself again. He was doing that so much that the other man had started to call him ‘his weird guard.’ But he had noticed that, whenever he asked about his day and how he was feeling, Sho couldn’t help but smile happily. After all, it was very nice to have someone who looked after you, right?

Aiba had even started to call him, needing to hear from his voice that he was okay, and not by a silent text. That night, at the hospital, he had been so scared that his mind kept on seeing Sho fainting on him. He would be lying if he said that he wouldn’t want to be by the other man’s side day and night, from Monday to Sunday, ensuring his well-being.

However, he couldn’t do that, so he limited himself to always be available and reply as soon as possible when he received a text. Especially when the final day of Sakurai’s deal was approaching more and more. Regarding that, it went perfectly. Not that he had doubts; he was very aware of how good that head of sales department was at his job.

Sakurai had called him as soon as he had finished, his voice full of joy, satisfaction and relief. His transfer was still a mystery, but at least, now, he could say that he had done his best.

That same night Aiba had gone to his rented apartment so that they could ‘celebrate’ the project’s success; that same night Sho told him that he would return home in three days, on Sunday morning; he could have gone back when his secretary did but he had decided to stay in Tokyo some more, for Masaki. Without thinking twice, Aiba decided that he would spend all those days at his house, enjoying every last moment he had with Sho.

They seemed long, but in a blink of an eye, three days went almost by and now here he was. Laying over Sho’s body, his head resting on his abdomen, his fingers tracing the skin under them; his hair was being ruffled affectionately. They were wearing only their underwear and were not speaking at all, leaving room for a comfortable yet sad silence. It really felt as if cuddling with his lover for the last time, before breaking up definitely, but here they were just ending a two-months stand.

“It seems like yesterday we started all this,” he found himself stating, out of nowhere.

“It really does… Two months went by so fast,” Sakurai commented.

“I’m really happy that on that night I ended up at your table.”

“Ended up?”

His eyes widened at the sudden realization: he had never told the other man that, actually, he wasn’t targeting him on that day.

He raised his head to look at Sakurai, who had his head and shoulders on the headboard and was wearing a curious face.

“Well, to tell you the truth, that night my target was the guy who was near to your table. His boyfriend came by suddenly and I pretended to be directed towards you and sat there,” he described but, as he saw Sakurai’s eyebrows frown, he added, “But I’m seriously glad about that. You’re definitely way better than him: you’re handsome, you’re clever, you’re funny, you’re passionate, you look extremely good in suits but at the same time extremely cute with your glasses, plus, that guy proved himself to be an idiot.”

Sho giggled at that long list of compliments and took Masaki’s face in his hands.

“I’m glad about that too,” he affirmed, not a trace of lie in his gaze.

Aiba moved up so that he could peck the other man’s lips. What had to be a single peck, though, muted into two, three, four, and many many others. They were smiling through those sweet kisses.

“Isn’t it better to stop before all these kisses become something else?” Sakurai suggested, trying to escape his lips.

“Why? Afraid that your butt can’t take another round?” he joked, grabbing the said part of the man’s body, which caused his sudden laughter, something Aiba liked very much.

“Come on, stop, it’s kind of late and tomorrow I have to wake up early.“

Aiba’s moves came to a halt at those words. The next morning Sakurai’s train for Maebashi would leave at 9:30.

He left the body under him and sat up on the bed, looking around and uncovering his eyes from the veil he had put over them. Sakurai’s belongings were not around anymore, his luggage was on the floor next to the wardrobe, which was empty except for the clothes he would wear tomorrow.

“I don’t want this to end…”

“Me neither,” Sho sat up and moved his hand to his face, caressing his cheek slowly.

“I will miss you…” Aiba clasped the other’s hand and kissed its palm.

“Me too…”

Sakurai got on his knees and hugged him, bringing his head on his chest, caressing his hair just as he was doing before. Aiba imitated him, shifted on his knees and returned the hug as tight as he could.

“Thank you for everything, Sho,” he whispered.

“Masaki…”

Hearing his first name being called for the second time, made his heart skip a beat just as the last time.

“Masaki…”

He broke the hug to look at Sho, holding his face in his hands; he dried a tear which was going down on the other man’s cheek by itself.

“Masaki…”

“What is it?” he asked softly.

“I want to tell you something, but I’m scared that you will run away,” Sho confessed.

“Don’t be afraid, I won’t go anywhere.”

“You promise?”

“Yes, I do,” he declared, his tone sweet but still firm.

Sho covered Aiba’s hands with his, before moving them to his wrists, wrapping gently around them, as if they were his only support. He blinked away some tears and took a deep breath.

“I love you.”

Masaki froze, and not just him, but all his being, even his inside. He thought to have heard wrong, he _hoped_ to have heard wrong, but, unfortunately, his ears got everything right.

There was a long silence in which Aiba stayed still while Sakurai was clearly agitated.

Suddenly, Aiba moved away, climbed down from the bed and began to gather his clothes, wearing them.

“I have to go.”

“No, wait! You promised!” Sakurai followed him and stopped him by his arm.

“How could I know that you wanted to say that?!” he shouted.

“What else could have I said? My feelings had been pretty obvious since long ago!”

“You could have said something else, really _anything_ could have been fine! Anything but that!”

“I’m sorry if I don’t have problems with coming to terms with my emotions,” Sakurai spat.

That sentence hit him. He knew that it was damn true, but he couldn’t face it.

“I know that you love me too, I can see it in your eyes, Masaki.”

Seeing that he was not moving, Sho placed his hands over his chest and kissed him. He didn’t want to kiss him back, it would have just been worse, but his instinct won, and his lips moved against the other’s.

For a moment, he felt that he could have stayed in that embrace forever. Sho’s warmth around him, his lips on his, his hands holding on his T-shirt for dear life.

When that thought started taking form in his mind, though, he opened his eyes and broke the kiss.

“We can make this work,” the shorter man told him, still glued to his body.

Without saying anything back, he stepped backwards and resumed dressing up.

“Why are you running away from your feelings? Do you really want to stay like this for your whole life?”

Again, he didn’t reply. He threw a glance at Sakurai and then exited the bedroom.

“Don’t you realize how ridiculous you’re being?!”

“Is it me the ridiculous one?!” Aiba finally retorted, turning to the other man, “Who is it the one shouting because he can’t bear to be rejected?”

“So, fighting for what you want is ridiculous for you? I love you; I want to stay with you, to talk with you every day, see you, hug you, kiss you, support you, take care of you. I’m not ashamed of this feeling, neither am I afraid. I might seem pathetic to you, but at least I’m trying everything in my power to have what I wish for. And it is you, Masaki.”

“No, no, this is all wrong. You can’t love me, you _mustn’t_ love me, you can’t!” he chanted, ruffling his hair in frustration.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t change what I feel. And you can’t either.”

“I don’t love you! I have never loved you a second, stop having weird fantasies. I don’t know from where you got your assumptions, but they are all wrong. I apologize if I have misled you, but you weren’t anything special.”

Sho took him by his jacket and made him look at him, their faces only a few inches apart.

“Tell me all this while looking at me, not with your eyes on the floor. Stare right into my eyes and say this again. Do it. Now!” he ordered.

He hesitated. The words which he had said just a moment before weren’t coming out at all. As if they were refusing to be spoken. No, he had to say them. They were the truth after all. He wasn’t lying to himself; his heart was empty of feelings in the first place, there was no way he could love someone. Sho was nothing for him…

“For these two months you have been nothing more than my personal bitch.”

Looking down at Sho’s eyes, it was as if he could see his heart tearing apart. And, somehow, he felt that he could have heard it too. Or, was it… His own? Breaking into a million pieces because he had just destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to him?

“Then, there’s nothing left to discuss. Go away,” Sakurai said with a cracked voice, his cheeks starting to be wetted by tears.

The man released Aiba and walked towards his room. Once more, his instinct won and he ran after him, stopping him by his arm. In a second, though, Sho turned and slapped him, shoving him away.

“Get the fuck out of here!” he yelled, before getting into his room and slamming the door into Aiba’s face.

“Sho… No, wait…” he whispered, too low for his voice to be heard from the other side.

He leaned into the door and, slowly, he slid against the wood, reaching the floor and crouching down against it. Sho’s sobs, which could be heard, were soon followed by his own.

How to turn back time? How to press ‘rewind’ in real life? How to put back into pieces two hearts which have been destroyed by the same, stupid coward?

“I’m sorry…” were the last words coming out of his mouth that night.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Aiba woke up when he abruptly fell backwards. Opening his eyes, he saw Sakurai staring down at him, shocked.

At that moment, he realized that he had fallen asleep on the bedroom’s door, while crying and regretting every single word he had spoken. The slap Sho had given him had snapped him out from his protective bubble, making him realize the mistake he had made.

Now, it was his chance. He could apologize and clear that mess, so that last night could be deleted from their memory.

“Sho,” he said, standing up.

“Didn’t you hear me yesterday? I want you out of this apartment.” His voice was cold, glacial, and so was his gaze.

“Please, I just want to-“

“I have to catch a train if you don’t remember, so listen carefully because I won’t say this a third time. Go away from here, I don’t want to see your face ever again,” Sho stressed every word, as if fixing the message into Aiba’s mind.

He wished that he could talk openly, something he didn’t do all this time; he wished that he could hold him and tell him that he had been an idiot; he wished that he could face his feelings and admit them. But, just as any other time, he didn’t have enough courage.

As Sho prepared himself, Masaki whispered a “ _Goodbye,_ ” before leaving that place for the last time. He didn’t wait for a reply because he knew that he wouldn’t receive one.

Wrapping his arms around himself, holding himself together as if not to break, he returned home.

“We were waiting for you!”

He jumped on the spot as he was greeted suddenly by his three friends who, once again, were at his house. The scene was the same as last time: Ohno on the armchair, Jun on the sofa, both watching a morning drama, and Nino on the floor gaming.

“You told us that you would return by noon, and we thought that we could have lunch together, considering it’s been ages since you last spent a weekend with us,” Jun was the one to speak for everyone, “Surely, we didn’t expect you this early. That’s why we were just killing some time here,” he then explained further.

“I see…” he said, his voice too low and weak to be audible though.

“Aiba, what happened?!” Suddenly, Jun seemed to realize his horrible state and, turning off the TV, he approached him.

“Did… Did you cry?” his friend asked, alarmed. Ohno and Nino halted their movements too, looking at him with the same concern as the youngest man.

“I’m fine, don’t worry-“

“Is it about him?” Nino put his game aside and stood up, staring down at him.

He avoided to reply, trying to go to his bedroom but was stopped by Jun’s strong grip on his forearm. Getting that he had no choice, he sighed and went into the living room, sitting on the sofa. Jun took a seat beside him while Nino and Ohno stayed still.

“I guess it’s time to let you know what I’ve been up to for the last two months.”

Thirty minutes later, wearing a messed-up face due to all his tears, Aiba had finished his story. Even though at the moment there was silence, he knew what he could expect. And he was ready to accept everything his friends would throw at him because that would only be the truth.

“So, you’re basically saying that you left without saying anything?” Matsumoto questioned.

“Yes, he told me to go away so…”

“Well, it’s not like he cut off your tongue,” the man then pointed out.

Aiba turned to him with a frown on his face.

“He means that, instead of leaving defeated, you could have made him listen to you. I bet that he wouldn’t have killed you, especially if he had listened to what you just said to us,” Ninomiya, who was still standing in front of him, made it clearer for him.

“You should have seen his eyes… They were full of hate,” he justified.

“I don’t think that it was hate, but sorrow. After all, he loves you.”

“At any rate, what is done is done, I can’t go back. Moreover, he is probably going to be transferred and if he doesn’t, he will still live in Gunma,” Aiba tried to find any possible excuse to put his mind and heart at ease.

“Oh God, is that the famous far, far away land? I wonder if they even have technology. Probably they don’t have trains, cellphones and PCs, right?” Ninomiya joked, which caused the other two men’s laughter.

“Aiba, please, stop giving us and yourself this crap,” Ohno said, surprising everyone. Usually, he would never express his thoughts over something, and he would leave the talk to them.

“Wow, you made Ohno stand up from the armchair and speak, just imagine how much of an idiot you’re being. Sho is not Heisuke, so there’s no reason to lie to yourself.”

“Nino, listen I-“

“No, now _you_ listen to us, and carefully,” Jun started, taking him by his shoulders and fixing his gaze on him, “We have listened to everything you said, but there’s still one thing which is missing. A very important detail which you are too afraid to witness, but Sakurai and we don’t, and that’s why we can see it right in your eyes.”

Aiba gulped, knowing too well what they were talking about. He shook his head, biting his lips, and lowered his head. Then, he sighed, “Anyway, he is going to take the train soon so it’s too late by now.”

“And what are you doing sitting here?!” the other three shouted at him.

He got so scared from the sudden change of atmosphere that he could only stare at his friends, puzzled.

“Come on, we’re going,” Nino and Ohno took him by his arms and made him stand up, while Jun grabbed his jacket and said, “I’ll drive, but know that we will take my car only because you told me that you and Sakurai had sex in yours.”

“Wait, where are we going?!” he asked as they had already dragged him out of his apartment.

“To the train station, of course!” Ohno replied.

He tried to protest, but he could do nothing against the three of them and many vain struggles later, he was sitting in Jun’s car in the backseat. On his right and left sides, as if trapping him, there were Ohno and Ninomiya.

For the whole trip, Masaki had his eyes fixed on the car’s clock. Inside him, he hoped that they wouldn’t arrive on time but, deep inside of him, he was wishing for the contrary.

When Jun pulled out right in front of the station, though, he felt as if he was stuck on his seat. His body was trembling, making him unable to move.

“Hey,” Ohno called out, placing a hand over his shoulder, ”Even if he rejects you, at least you will be able to say that you tried your best.”

“He’s right. For once, Masaki, fight for what you really want,” Ninomiya followed up.

Aiba tried to swallow down the knot he felt in his throat and reached for the door handle but retrieved his hand the moment his fingers touched it.

“No, no, I can’t, I just-“

“Aiba, if you don’t go, you’ll surely regret this later and you’ll put over yourself another cover of lies so as to not suffer. Are you really fine with it?”

He looked at Jun, who was looking back at him with the intense stare he had seen just a couple of times in all these years.

Was he okay with that made-up happiness he always saddled himself with? Was he okay with letting go of Sho?

“No, I’m not fine with it,” he affirmed.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the car door and, trying to not bump into Ohno, he exited from the car.

“Ohno, Nino, go with him, I’ll park the car and I’ll be there too,” Jun said. The two men nodded and got out of the car too, closing its door.

“But-“

“What are you doing? Run, run, run!” the oldest man pushed him forwards, followed by the other one.

He flashed them one last smile before dashing into the station.  
  
  


°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

_Present day…_

When he finally reaches the ticket barriers, his head starts to move right and left repeatedly, scanning all the people on the other side who are waiting for their train to be called.

His heart starts to beat fast, already worrying that the other has already left the station; but before he can panic for real, he spots a way too familiar figure.

“Sho!” his throat shouts before his own mind could realize.

Sakurai, who is searching for something in his bag, halts, probably wondering if he has just heard his name. He ignores it, though, and continues his task.

Aiba curses under his breath and calls out for Sho again who, this time, turns towards the direction of his voice. The man opens his eyes widely at the sight of him and mouths a very confused, “ _What the-?!_ ”

“I have to talk to you!” he yells, not bothering about his surroundings.

Sakurai ponders on what to do for some seconds, being torn on whether to walk up to him or not. At last, with a sigh, he approaches the turnstiles.

“What do you want?” Sakurai asks coldly.

“I love you.”

Sho freezes at the sudden confession and is now wearing a shocked face. Surely, he wasn’t expecting these words coming from Masaki.

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve said, please, forget about it, they were all lies. You were right, I was escaping from my feelings, but I won’t run away anymore,” he admits with his most sincere tone.

Since the other man isn’t replying, Aiba starts to sweat, scared that it is too late to apologize.

“Please, say something, anything-”

“What do you want me to say?!” Sho snaps.

Aiba, taken aback by that action, makes some steps backwards. At that moment, the thought of giving up crosses his mind but he shakes it away immediately. He isn’t there to back down at the first struggle.

“You have all the rights to be mad at me. I fucked everything up in the worst way I could, but now I’m here, right in front of you, and I’m saying that I love you. I want to hold your hand while walking, to hug you to sleep, to talk with you about your day, to text you silly stuff, to tease you because you’re hopeless at cooking. I want to spend my time with you, in any way I can.”

He can see some tears starting to leave Sho’s eyes and he really wishes that he could climb over the turnstiles and wipe them away. Moreover, he doesn’t know if those tears are of joy or sadness.

As Sho opens his mouth, the first call for his train comes as well.

“Aiba, I have to go-“

“Wait! Please, wait!” he pleads with him, before getting closer to him and stretching his hand over the barriers, “You said that we could make this work, right? I do think that too. Be it Maebashi, be it Fukuoka, no matter how many kilometers separate us, my love won’t fade a bit.”

“I changed my mind; it can’t work between us. And you know why? Because you’re not made for a relationship. You’re so obtusely focused on your fears, what you want to believe and all that fake reality you create around you, that you can’t see beyond yourself.”

“But now-“

“Because your friends have made you reason, haven’t they?” Sho asks while looking over his shoulders, where his three friends are standing, “I can’t be with someone who one day could wake up in his own made-up world. I can’t stand and I don’t want to live a scene like yesterday again. I’m tired of wasting time.”

Each sentence pierces his heart; he can feel the hit from every word and he can’t do anything about it. But what hurts the most is the second call which at that moment echoes throughout the whole building.

Feeling that time is running out, he gathers all his last energies and raises a question, “Do you regret falling in love with me?”

At the sight of a hesitant Sho, he keeps on talking, “I don’t, not even a bit. Because of you, I destroyed all the rules I’ve given to myself. I had always thought that breaking them would mean to crush my own self, to let them bury me under their ruins. Instead, it made me feel lighter; you could even say that I started to fly. And, today, I decided that I’m ready to leave my fake world to join the real, true world.”

At that moment, all at once, the rules he engraved into himself all this time, start to cross his mind and break into pieces one after another.

『NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH ANYONE』

『IF YOU’RE FEELING LIKE YOU’RE FALLING, RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN』

『IF YOU BREAK EVEN ONE SINGLE RULE, YOU WILL HURT YOURSELF』

『A FAKE BUT HAPPY WORLD IS STILL BETTER THAN A REAL BUT CRUEL ONE』

The day he made those rules was the one in which he had been the stupidest. Only now, he can see his mistake.

Once more, his hand reaches out for Sho, “I want to live in this reality with you, so, please, take my hand.”

After that, even though there are all kinds of noises around them, Masaki can only hear Sho’s silence, who’s standing frozen in front of him. He takes some steps forward, though, and Aiba really believes that he is going to intertwine their hands together. His smile has already started to spread all over his face.

Few inches are separating their fingers, only a tiny bit and he could say that Sho is, finally, his. He can’t even explain the immense delight in his body; if it were possible, he would break down the barriers and throw himself in the other man’s arms. Not even a day has passed, but it still seems like ages since he last embraced him.

“Last call for the train from Tokyo directed to Maebashi, to all the passengers…”

Sho’s hand stops itself and so does Aiba’s heart.

“Sho…” he calls out for him.

“I-I’m sorry… I can’t…”

Sho starts to shake his head and walk away from him.

“Sho, please, no, wait-“

“Goodbye Masaki…” the man says as he turns.

Aiba doesn’t know how much he shouted his name, begging him to return, but it must have been pretty long since Jun has to grab him and drag him away from the turnstiles.

“Aiba, he is gone. You did all you could do, but he is not coming back,” Nino tells him, with a sad voice.

He still looks in the direction where Sakurai has disappeared to, hoping for a miracle, hoping to see him appear from the crowd. A miracle that, of course, is impossible.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

_A couple of months later…_

After that day, Aiba contacted Sho through LINE quite several times; texts, calls, he tried to use anything to convey his sincerity to the other man. However, Sho never replied. Aiba stopped trying only when his friends told him that, even though not giving up was good because it showed his resolution, he was probably bothering the other one too much.

“You made your move, now you can only wait for his,” was what Ohno told him.

He surrendered to the temporary defeat and began to spend his days checking his phone, jumping at every notification.

Not a day passed without thinking about him and all their memories; what he could have said differently, what he could have done better. He was burying himself in interrogatives which didn’t have solutions. Well, there was one, but it wasn’t appearing before his eyes even though he has been waiting for months already.

Sometimes he thinks he should go to Gunma, but that would only irritate Sakurai even more. Then, give up? No way in hell.

“I can only wait…” he says to himself, as he is going out from the post office.

Another day has ended and he can’t wait to return home, eat, relax in his bath and… Regretting all the bad choices he had made. A really fun night is lying ahead of him.

With the purpose of calling Jun to drink something together, he takes out his phone, but stops as he sees the notification.

It must be a dream. A very realistic one.

_At last, they really transferred me._

Saying that he feels lost is reductive. Months without contacting him, and now Sho sends him this text? He doesn’t know what he should answer, but he knows that he must reply something, even the dumbest thing he can think of.

_?Where_

As soon as he presses the “send” button, his text is marked as ‘read.’ This can only mean one thing: either Sho has their chat opened, or he is waiting for his reply.

Something is wrong though, since no message is coming back and beside Sakurai’s last text, no bubbles are forming to indicate that he’s writing a reply. The fast heartbeat he had on that day at the train station returned, making him anxious.

Should he send another message? Should he call him? Should he do anything at this point? Everything he did seems useless after all.

“Here.”

A hand is placed on his phone, lowering it a bit. As he raises his gaze, he finds Sho’s smiling face right in front of him, just a few inches apart from his.

He steps backwards, his eyes opened widely and his mouth agape, gasping.

“The transfer I heard about was referred to a new branch they were going to open here in Tokyo, and they wanted to assign me the role of director,” Sakurai explains, with his usual calm tone.

“S-So you l-l-live here now?” Masaki stutters.

“Well, for the moment I’m staying at a hotel. I wanted to talk with someone before searching for a house,” as Sakurai finishes to talk, he bites his lip.

“Yes! Of course you can live with me!” he exclaims promptly.

“Actually, I was thinking of renting an apartment near yours-“

“No! I’m more than happy if you come to live with me, you won’t give me any troubles. I’ll make room for you, I don’t have much stuff anyway,” Aiba is talking so much and so fast that he wonders how the other man can follow him.

Sakurai chuckles and approaches him, caressing Aiba’s arms, “I’m sorry for leaving you there on that day. I guess that I made the same mistake you did: running away. I was so scared that you could hurt me again that I closed myself, even though you told me such beautiful things…”

“I deserved it. These months have made me understand and accept how deep my feelings are, so, your silence was worth it,” he admits.

“I’m happy to hear that. At the same time, I’m sorry to have not answered. I wanted to but every time my finger was going to push the ‘send’ button, I would chicken out. I thought that things had to end this way, but then I found out about the new branch in Tokyo, and I understood that things had to end with us together. That’s why when I was coming here, I knew that I was on the right train. And you? Do you feel it’s the right one too?”

As tears threaten his eyes, Masaki cups Sho’s face and brings their foreheads together, “It definitely is.”

They smile widely and then, just like a couple in a romcom after a fight, they kiss and embrace each other.

“Ah, right, the only spare key of my apartment is owned by my friends… But, I mean, they can always ring the bell; if I’m not home, they can wait in the hallway, surely it won’t kill them.”

Sho bursts out laughing, throwing his head back as he used to, but he quickly pulls it back to reunite his lips with Masaki's.

As their tongues intertwine, as their arms bring them closer to each other, as their giggles of joy interrupt their kisses for some instants, Masaki can feel it. 

He has just gotten on the right train.


End file.
